dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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