I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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