..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
