fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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