But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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