I can tuck mytits in my pants
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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