Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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