i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
