we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
