Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize