I'm going to jail i love you
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
They took my balls.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
