I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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