i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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