i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
