im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
