I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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