just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
