I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
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i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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