When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
