you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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