i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
