i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
