Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My breasts were aching with rage.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?