Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
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shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now