I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
