I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.