he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it