dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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