I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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