Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
