I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
