i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize