I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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