I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
