you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The feeling are messing with the penis
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
