elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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