that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
