i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize