well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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