Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
