Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
