You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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