I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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