So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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