first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
