Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
