I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
try to milk me bitch
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
