yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
