i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
