are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
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Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
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just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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