So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I could fuck to npr.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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