I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
