I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
