i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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