I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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