In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
