I accidentally had phone sex last night
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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