there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
