he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
