My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
