I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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