I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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