I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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