this beer tastes like vomit already
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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