Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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