He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
