Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
dude. I can hear the air.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
